Nightly Open Thread
I know that some of you Dragons and Dragonettes are hitched or in LTRs, so feel free to chime in on the veracity of this list…”Five Secrets to a Happy Marriage”:
- Talk less
- Lose weight
- Do the dishes
- Put out (yeah, in that sense)
- Think ahead (tactics, people!)
I know I’m certainly a fan of the first one, and I try to use the fifth as much as possible! Also, I rock out at the third. The second and fourth…okay, could use some work on those.
OK, just passed my 25th anniversary… so heed thee the wisdom of the ancient one:
1.Women: Talk less; Men: Talk more. Otherwise, both shut up
2.Lose weight (or gain weight equally)
3.Do the dishes, or get a job. And make me a sammich while you’re at it.
4.Put out (yeah, in that sense) Agree!
5. Stop overthinking and trust implicitly.
What does your husband think about you revealing personal information online? Typical woman, always complaining. I know that if my spouse ever wrote anything online about our marriage I would be furious. I’m surprised that he would be okay with this type of statement. I’ve been reviewing your blog for the last few days now and have really enjoyed your tips and write-ups about gaming but if this is where your conversations are going then I think I’ll go to another site. I find this all very disrespectful and feel sorry for your husband.
@JACOB: What are you talking about? I don’t know where to start deciphering what you mean or what you think you’re responding to. Strange post.
@GRACE: Not to say that Ken needs any help defending himself, but he just linked to a “self improvement” type advice column with no mention of personal details.
In any case, something fishy seems to be going on and this is probably the most bizarre, awkward series of comments in the history of Aiera.
@WtF: WTF? And on a completely different note I emailed you two updates on Sanctimonia yesterday. Junk filter may have caught it.
Oooookay….which phrase, interestingly, the iPhone just attempted to correct to “populist”. Ducking autocorrect.
I rarely delete comments, but I’ll make the exception here for reasons which I won’t actually be getting into apart from invoking the gandersauce principle.
I’ll grant that this was a weirder one…kind of random. It’s turned into an interesting test of limits, both in terms of audience response and in terms of what I can get away with posting.
This Nightly Open thing is still a work in progress, and this has been instructive.
Kevin: I’ll check the spam folder. Thanks for the heads up.
Jacob: How did you take away from all that’s on this site that I was a girl? I mean…really?
Haha. Yeah, Jacob threw me for a loop there too.
Delete away, my friend. Now everyone tip a cold pint and make friends. 😉
I find that a bit of a strange list actually…
1. Talk less – I would usually think most married couples need to talk more. Conversation tends to go stale, meaning they should start doing more things together (and apart) to give them interesting things to talk about.
2. Lose weight – I kinda agree with this one, though I don’t think I’d put it under just “lose weight”. More “Keep yourself attractive”. If you’re planning on spending your life with someone, then they are surely worth putting that effort in.
3. Do the dishes – I think both sides of the relationship definately need to do a fair share of the workload. Not having this at least kinda evenly distributed always causes trouble.
4. Put out – Can’t argue with this one.
5. Scheme – This is one that I think needs to be done less. It tends to end better if you just talk through whatever the situation is in order to get what you want. Anyone I’m going to have a relationship with I have to be able to trust. In fact, betraying that trust is the first thing that would make me leave someone (and no, I’ve never actually had my trust betrayed… I just don’t like basing my perception of the world on things that aren’t true. I like to “know” things)
1. it’s not talk less or talk more, it’s talking WITH each other and that needs to be done a lot. You think you do too much dishes after already having cooked all the dinners – talk about it. You think you don’t put out enough – talk about it. And don’t talk to us about it, talk to your wife 🙂
2. ThaPal said it 🙂
3. yes, evenly do the housework stuff
4. yes, do it, initiate it, and if not enough talk about it and how to make it interesting
5. Don’t think too far ahead
And I thin Jacob’s post was about Grace’s which has been censored already, and not about WTF
Additional thoughts, round-up sort of thing:
1. It’s the kind of talk. And it’s the distinction between talking, talking for the sake of talking, and verbally getting in each others’ face.
2. Thepal mostly said it here; in the end, one ought to be attractive (physically and otherwise) to one’s spouse. Keeping generally fit is a good idea from a “general health” perspective, and also typically leaves one with more energy to handle the next three items on the list.
3. I don’t think the point is doing housework evenly, and in fact it’s been shown that enforcing a roughly 50/50 split in tasks tends to lead to infighting in a marriage…and/or divorce. Ditto scorekeeping (“I washed the dishes, so you have to…”). I think the point is that nobody is left to go at the mundane tasks of life alone, even if that only means…say…a 30/70 split in terms of who does the chores.
4. I think we can all agree that marriage is a sexual relationship pretty much by definition, and that if that component of it is not present on a basis that both partners can agree is satisfactory, there is something amiss.
5. This one is probably the most YMMV of the list. It can be really good to plan ahead and even be devious about it…unless, of course, the recipient of whatever you have up your sleeve doesn’t really dig surprises and suchlike. I think the ultimate point, though, is “staleness prevention”.
Dominus: No, Jacob is addressing the blog author, which would be me. How he got “woman writer” from this site, I have no clue. That, or I just give off an effeminate vibe.
Quoth the WTF: That, or I just give off an effeminate vibe.
Yeah… I can see that 😛
Let me simplify it for you. Sorry I thought you were a woman with all the bitching you were doing (and yes that’s more sarcasm). But if your wife is Grace then why have you deleted what she wrote on here twice? So you can talk about your marriage on here but she isn’t allowed to have a say? That says a lot about the type of husband you are. Maybe you should look into a different list, something more positive:
10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage:
1. Never assume.
2. Compliment more than you criticize.
3. For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
4. Remember that it is OK to do things differently (e.g. there is more than one way to peel a potato or fold the laundry).
5. Always make time for the two of you.
6. Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
7. Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns.
8. Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their mother/father.
9. Be fair! Split the housework, spending money, etc evenly. This way you are never resentful of your partners contributions (or lack of) or expenditures.
10. Never go to bed angry.
Give that a try and maybe you won’t have to delete your wife’s posts.
Simplify?
Since when is it bitching to briefly comment on my own successes and failings?
The gandersauce principle. Additional explanation unavailable.
You assume a lot here, not the least of which is that she has no other means of having her say, some of which I am not privy to.
It’s true I have my flaws. Though I suppose the same is true of anyone.
Ok.
Trust, but verify.
Say what’s true. Which, I admit, I struggle with at times.
Not a bad ratio.
And don’t let anyone tell you differently! I kind of suspect this is more of a problem for women than for men, but I lack empirical data.
See #1, #3, #4 especially, and #5. Even #2 applies here, with sufficient planning and creativity (e.g. #5 again).
Marry someone you can communicate effectively with…using words if necessary.
…which are best mitigated “in bed”, as it were. I’m told there’s good evidence for this.
I don’t disagree in general.
Choose not to resent; a truly equitable split is nigh-impossible, and cannot be forced or even ENforced without causing the very thing you would argue it avoids.
Generally true. Exceptions exist based on circumstances.
Not a bad list overall, if somewhat flawed in particular points. It’s a fine recipe for the stably mundane…of which I’m not a fan in any particular sense.
I asumed Grace was a troll. If not there is probably some hot dragon fire loose in the wtf dragons cave…
Also it would show that wtf does need to sharpen his skills on
5. Think ahead (tactics, people!)
If it was a troll, good call deleting the comments. If it was your wife, good luck.
Also, remember aslong as one is subscribed to a thread all replies get sent per mail immediately…
This topic has been entertaining:)
It’s ok Kenneth, I didn’t think you were a girl…lol
I would add one point for the men out there….
– Don’t always try and solve a woman’s problem. Sometimes they dont want it solved they just want someone to listen.
Peace out
That is a solid piece of advice, to be sure.
It has a corollary, which is arguably more advice for women, but also good for men to heed: Nobody can change that much, let alone that much at all. Pick your battles.
Also very true, good addition.