Holt Ironfell of the Poet’s Circle Guild is running a most amusing contest over on the Shroud of the Avatar forums, which he has called “Hearts of Britannia”:

This is an Official Competition by the Bards of Poets’ Circle, on authority of Royal Warrant. Winners of the competition shall be personally rewarded by Lord British and his Court, and have their work performed by Grandmaster Bard Holt Ironfell!

Come one come all, and prepare your submissions for the First Annual “Hearts of Britannia Valentine Day Poetry Slam!” Muster the Truest of Courage, the spirit needed for Love! (Or Trolling.)

Show us how to treat a Lady right, or how to make a grown Knight blush. Impress the beautiful & resourceful Dame Lori or the handsome rockstar & Space Bard Sir Dom with your undying adoration and win the Grand Prize!

To make things challenging: the true author, whether man or woman, peasant or noble, is kept secret from the recipient! Leave it to the target of our affections to decide whose heart is true!

Secondary Prizes will be awarded for love poetry meant for Lord British, Firelotus, Stephen Daniele or Starr Long.

Selected readings Dramatically Narrated by Holt himself to their recipients in a special Google Hangout on February 15th!

After the prize winners have been narrated, and revealed (if so desired by the poet in question) there will be a public Roast, where the most hilarious runner-ups are also anonymously read aloud in theatrical fashion.

Finalists will be reviewed for eventual inclusion in-game! Prizes too be announced shortly, so get writing, poets!

Here are the rules for submitting a poem:

YOU MAY write to all or any of the 6 judges.

SPECIFY WHO THE POEM IS TO above the poem. That person will judge it. If you do not specify a recipient, it cannot be entered into the pool of contestants!

DO NOT post submissions on the forum or make them public. All submissions are to be kept a SECRET. Failure to do so results in DISQUALIFICATION.

DO NOT include inappropriate/adult content or cursing.

NO MODERN REFERENCES (except in the case of the “roast” aka. funny ones)

MAXIMUM WORD COUNT is 200. This is due to the time constraints upon orally reciting winners’ poetry.

INCLUDE in your submission whether or not you wish to remain anonymous IF YOU WIN. All runners-up will still be anonymous.

And finally, the deadline:

DEADLINE for submissions is 10am PST on February 13th, when Holt shall select a selection of the best entries. On the 14th, Valentine’s Day, Dame Lori, Sir Dom, Lord British, Firelotus, Stephen and Starr will read the poems, and decide upon their favourite.

So…there’s that.

My own poetry tends toward the sub-Vogon in quality, but I’m sure that some of you have considerable talent with the written verse. If so — or if you think you do, however mistaken you may actually be in this regard — then consider firing in a submission. Because really, how many other chances are you going to have to send humorous love poetry to Lord British and have him read it?