Okay, so I haven’t done one of these in a while. Fortunately, the Internet never fails to provide plenty of odd, interesting, and downright worrying stories to relay.

Want to track enemy submarines the US Navy way?

DARPA has just “crowdsourced” their Anti-submarine warfare Continuous Trail Unmammed Vessel (ACTUV) simulator, which you — the general public — can download and play right from the DARPA website. Do you have what it takes to outsmart an enemy submarine commander and keep him from eluding you?

Oh, and speaking of DARPA…

…their BOLT (Broad Operational Language Translation) robot sounds pretty cool. It “would use language as well as visual and tactile inputs so that it can “hypothesize and perform automated reasoning in the acquired language,” enabling “‘multiturn, bilingual human-human conversation’ between English and Arabic with a success rate of 90 percent.”

Sound familiar?

Proof that ZORK can be ported to Facebook without the need to actually make it an app!

You have been eaten by a Grue.

So it turns out that identical twins…are not genetically identical…

…despite having both sprung from the same fertilized ovum.

Damn Canadians, always upending scientific common knowledge with their “research” and their “findings”. Can’t trust a one of ’em, I tell ya.

So it turns out — surprise, surprise! — that Charlie Sheen’s live show sucks.

The “Violent Torpedo of Truth” sounds more like a “Epic Paper Airplane of Suck”; certainly not a #winning performance for the incresasingly pitiable Sheen.

Why is Mars so red, anyway?

A naturally-occuring nuclear explosion (!!) of truly shattering force and power may have had something to do with it.

Survival tip: don’t piss off Gurkhas, ever.

Just since the start of this year, there have been at least two news stories in which lone members of this fierce Nepalese tribe (and famed British military unit) went up against 30 to 40 opponents at once and walked away standing, leaving only bodies and fleeing enemies in their wake.

It greatly amuses me greatly that Anonymous seems to be imploding.

The hacker group seems to be splintering into roughly two factions: those who are in it for moral/ethical reasons and wish to use the power of the group to strike a blow against those they see as unjust, and those who are (as the online experssion goes) are “in it for the lulz.”

In hindsight, this probably could have been predicted some time ago.

“Sound” relationship advice from Cosmo

You heard it from Cosmo first, Dragonettes: if your boyfriend/husband is too openly communicative, likes to converse over a drink, displays more sexual interest in you, takes care of his personal image/health/grooming, keeps his electronics to himself, is just all-around happy around you, and if his friends don’t talk to you…he is probably cheating on you and likely doesn’t love you anymore.

In which case, you are perfectly within your rights to seduce his friends, burn his clothes, give away his television, pour chili powder down his shorts, crush his balls in your hands, feed him laxative brownies, and vandalize his face with a Sharpie marker while he sleeps.

What you really want in a man is an aloof, non-communicative, sexually disinterested teetotaler who lets himself go, rarely grooms himself, couldn’t care less for electronics, and encourages his buddies to hang around with you. And if he doesn’t live up to these lofty standards, get — and by ‘get’, I totally mean ‘go completely batcrap crazy on’ — him.

Tonight’s post brought to you, coincidentally, by girlfriends:

That is love, right there.